


Without Pause, Without A Doubt, In A Heartbeat.

by westallenkiss



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), malec - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Hurt Magnus Bane, Lots of Angst, M/M, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Fluff, Malec, Malec Angst, Please Don't Hate Me, Protective Alec Lightwood, Sad Alec Lightwood, how do you even tag your heart being ripped from your chest?, please don't read if you are easily sad, post 3x15
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 11:35:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18249029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westallenkiss/pseuds/westallenkiss
Summary: To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.Alec said, "Magnus is my world."Here is why...





	Without Pause, Without A Doubt, In A Heartbeat.

**Author's Note:**

> this is just me thinking out loud if i was in alec's head okay? this is probably not your canon, and you might hate me for the angst, but i needed to write it so i hope you enjoy it with your tissues in hand. i've been crying all day writing this and it's not even that long but it took me all day okay. <3

_“I didn't fall in love with you. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we'd choose anyway. And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you...” ― Kiersten White, The Chaos of Stars_

This wasn't the end. Alec felt it because he couldn't bare to think about it a world without Magnus. Wherever Magnus would end up, wherever the world would or could take him, Alec knew he'd find him. That is just how it was supposed to be.

Magnus laid motionless, his heart was still beating though. Alec took that as a sign that there was still hope, there was still hope that he wasn't going to lose his entire world just like that when they just made plans to move in together. Magnus actually said yes this time, and there was nothing in the world that made Alec so happy. He didn't know what changed Magnus' mind about it, and now he may never even know.

Catarina said his body was rejecting Lorenzo's magic, and it was slowly killing him. _Slowly killing him._ NO!

"I won't let you die, Magnus. You can't die." Alec whimpered watching over his boyfriend's motionless body. His hair flattened, his face pale, his entire body looking so fragile and nothing like how vibrant and full of life he always was. "How could you do this fully aware of the consequences. I bet you told him you can handle it, that it was worth the risk..." He spoke up wanting to just get all his frustrations out knowing very well just how stubborn Magnus really was. "And I'm going to kill him, Magnus. I'm going to make sure he pays for what he did because he knew very damn well these consequences would happen to you and he's supposed to be taking care of all of the Warlocks, and he rather just see you die..." Alec knew he shouldn't have been saying all this out loud especially if it was only making it worse for himself knowing damn well it wouldn't change what had happened. 

"I can't lose you, I won't." He swore, and the tears started to fall, Magnus wasn't moving, not even giving him any kind of sign. "You told me you loved me with the biggest smile on your face, you were going to say just one more thing before it... I just I wish I knew what that was... you probably won't remember when you wake up." Alec's voice cracked. "Do you hear me Magnus... _when you wake up_... you ARE going to wake up. You are not going to give up on yourself. I know you are stubborn. I know you have so much to say. I know your magic is so important to you, but your life is so much more important... to me too. You are my world." Alec got louder as he spoke battling through his tears.

"Do you remember our first _date_ and when I said I was unsure of what I wanted, how scared I was that someone like you could actually want to be with a guy like me... how we even connected? How we even made it work? Love... it's stronger than everything in this world. It is the one word that keeps all the good in this world... if I love you enough... will you wake up? Magnus? Can you hear me?" Alec had no idea really what he was trying to say other than hope that his love for him would just be the key to wakening his boyfriend. "Magnus, I really don't think I can live without you. I know you can hear me. I _need_ you to wake up..." Alec swallowed as his own heart was slowly starting to stop beating, he knew he kept repeating himself but there was no greater words for it, Alec was not going to lose him this easily....

"I want to take all of this pain you have, I want to heal you. Give me all of the pain you feel. It can't be as bad as how I feel right now." Alec said out loud knowing he was being heard. 

"Alec, please. Please don't say things you don't mean." Catarina spoke up, "Magnus would never want that for you, he would never want you to feel the pain he is feeling..." 

"I don't care. I don't want him to continue to suffer like this. He's dying Catarina! I can't live without him, I might as well be..." 

"Please, don't." Catarina stopped Alec and tried to take him away from Magnus' side, but Alec refused and crawled himself right up to him. He fixated his hair on his forehead and kissed his cheek softly. It was cold as ice, not warm like he was used to. Alec swallowed and more tears started dripping down his cheeks, dripping right on to Magnus' as he was just holding him, trying to keep him warm, as if he could possibly feel him. Catarina walked away her own tears beginning to fall, maybe all Magnus needed was the love Alec had for him. Alec's love for Magnus was all he needed... 

"Alexander..." Magnus murmured out of nowhere, a soft moan escaping, the agony he was feeling from the pain, but also all the words he _did_ hear Alec say. "Aku cinta kuma, kamu adalah duniaku, terlalu." 

Alec choked on sob, somehow he just knew what he was saying by just the sound of his voice. Magnus was telling him loved him and that he was his world too. "Please don't leave me, Magnus. I'm selfish, I'm in love with you, and I can't live without you." Alec buried his face into his neck, his hand taking his, holding it tightly, and Magnus took in a sharp breath, his entire body hurting, his lungs not able to exhale without him crying in pain. Alec cried harder in his neck, shaking against him, holding on even tighter to his boyfriend's grip. "I won't let go. I will never let go." He swore, kissing his jaw and bringing himself to look at him. 

Magnus turned just right, a tiny little smile playing at his features, "You won't ever have to, I just need you. All I will ever need is you." Magnus' closed his eyes, his entire body shivering, Alec's grip on his hand was getting tighter as he felt himself slipping away, "Hold on Alec, don't let me go..." The sudden noise on the heart monitor was making that noise Alec did not want to hear, Catarina came running back in. 

"Magnus, no, no, no, no..." Alec gripped tighter, "I won't let go. Magnus, we're not supposed to end like this, we're supposed to get married, we're supposed to have a life together filled with happiness, I'm supposed to die first..." He sobbed. 

The heart monitor was starting back up again, Magnus' eyes opening up, and a smile was spreading across his face, "Alexander, I promise you, we will have our happy ending..." He said just above a whisper and held on to Alec for dear life, taking his strength. 

"Your love is stronger than anything I've ever known, Alec. You are giving him your strength, he is going to be okay because of you..." Catarina said with a smile and Alec looked to her with a thank you in his eyes before he choked up again. 

It was true. Magnus' might have been Alec's world, but Alec was Magnus' strength and will to survive...

One thing was true, they would always find a way back to each other.


End file.
